im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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