life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need a hoe opinion
go on
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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