I just threw up on my dentist
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
