I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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