So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize