Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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