so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
