ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
