I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
