Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
