All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
