I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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