honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
