why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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