my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize