I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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