I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
