i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
