his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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