Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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