I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
