I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
