I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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