Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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