It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize