i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
