you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
