apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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