I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
