i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
