At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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