I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
