those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
