I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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