YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
