i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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