dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
