Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
