Do you still have your period?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
