A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
