Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
