his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
