just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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