Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
