the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Randomize
