Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
