3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
