im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
