I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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