so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
