Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
