She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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