Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
