Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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