I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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