I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
