Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
