Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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