Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My liver just had a heart attack.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
