Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
