I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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