Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Randomize
