I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
