Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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