Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
