it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is Oprah even human
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
