The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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