Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
